Patience? Is it really a virtue? Or a defense? I do not know.
I don't care for the truth because it comes in ugly packages. Andits scary. Besides everyone always knows the truth anyway. They just choose to ignore it. Because it seldom does any good…..
Sometimes we make stories about our lives and keep believing them until these stories become a reality . till all our senses, our thinking, our existence get infiltrated. we only realize too late, and sometimes, we do not realize at all.
Should i be ashamed? of having loved recklessly. or having recklessly named lust as love…? I do not know. I am confused. But I do know this… I am what I am. Because of all who came before him. Because of him… And I will be who I will be because of all those who might be coming after him….
The other day it rained… I sat outside and let it fall on my face…no hesitation to stay dry… I looked down and saw a rock
and toss into the dark brown puddle that had formed from the rain... Watch the ripples…. And see the surface getting quite again… Life is like that…
"Love is just like having a relationship with fireWhy couldn't you understand that it would only sting you laterWhat happened to me? where were my senses?Why did I ever love the one who would never love me back…"
Songs… they sometimes just spell out the words in your head and in your heart…
buddha belly...
The world, indeed, is like a dream and the treasures of the world are an alluring mirage! Like the apparent distances in a picture, things have no reality in themselves, but they are like heat haze.
On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him.
~Buddha~
On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him.
~Buddha~
oh heck yeah...
i guess my pretentious attitude towards him for the past several days finally paid off.
not that i intend to do this all the time but yes, maybe sometimes you just need to be invisible for a while so people can get to notice your “existence” more.
i thought this will just be another one of those days when i won’t be getting any sort of message from him…
it was late when he finally sent me a message and not being able to reply soon enough actually made him call instead.... it turned out that he had wanted to watch the game tonight and to have dinner... aside from the fact that i am desperately trying to keep myself from communicating too much, all the more, going out with him…
i just finished my sandwich a few seconds before he called. (and now you know why i wasn’t able to reply to his message sooner…do not disturb sign is up when i’m eating…haha)
i told him i wanted just home but he insisted to see me.
i know i should’ve said no…well, i did once but he insisted and okay, i honestly wanted to see him too.
so after a couple of minutes more, he texted me to go down and meet him at the corner.
when i saw his car coming towards me, i was thinking “i know i should not see him, but i miss him…this won’t take long.” i opened the door and even before i could sit down, he gave me the flowers. all i managed to say was “what is this for?” but deep inside, i was really happy.
i asked myself “when was the last time i got flowers."and yeah, that was like in high school, (shrugs)
i wanted to hug him and show him how much i miss him, but i didn’t. and God knows how hard i was trying not to.
i’ve decided to give him the space he asked for and i’m still convinced that what we have now won’t be going anywhere unless we both work hard on it.
and so like i’ve said, it didnt take long.
he brought me back to the house and he went to dinner.
i know i should be really happy about what happened, don’t get me wrong…i am happy, but its just that somehow it gives me the idea that he’s like that when we have issues and i decide to distance myself for a while…when it gets fixed, he’ll just go back to his old self. and there goes the never-ending cycle..yadah-yadah…
not that i intend to do this all the time but yes, maybe sometimes you just need to be invisible for a while so people can get to notice your “existence” more.
i thought this will just be another one of those days when i won’t be getting any sort of message from him…
it was late when he finally sent me a message and not being able to reply soon enough actually made him call instead.... it turned out that he had wanted to watch the game tonight and to have dinner... aside from the fact that i am desperately trying to keep myself from communicating too much, all the more, going out with him…
i just finished my sandwich a few seconds before he called. (and now you know why i wasn’t able to reply to his message sooner…do not disturb sign is up when i’m eating…haha)
i told him i wanted just home but he insisted to see me.
i know i should’ve said no…well, i did once but he insisted and okay, i honestly wanted to see him too.
so after a couple of minutes more, he texted me to go down and meet him at the corner.
when i saw his car coming towards me, i was thinking “i know i should not see him, but i miss him…this won’t take long.” i opened the door and even before i could sit down, he gave me the flowers. all i managed to say was “what is this for?” but deep inside, i was really happy.
i asked myself “when was the last time i got flowers."and yeah, that was like in high school, (shrugs)
i wanted to hug him and show him how much i miss him, but i didn’t. and God knows how hard i was trying not to.
i’ve decided to give him the space he asked for and i’m still convinced that what we have now won’t be going anywhere unless we both work hard on it.
and so like i’ve said, it didnt take long.
he brought me back to the house and he went to dinner.
i know i should be really happy about what happened, don’t get me wrong…i am happy, but its just that somehow it gives me the idea that he’s like that when we have issues and i decide to distance myself for a while…when it gets fixed, he’ll just go back to his old self. and there goes the never-ending cycle..yadah-yadah…
I am not alone!!
They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.”
It is when youstop going along with the crowd and start realizingthat there are many things about yourself that youdidn’t know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you willbe in a year or two, but then get scared because youbarely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that,maybe, those friends that you thought you were soclose to aren’t exactly the greatest people you haveever met, and the people you have lost touch with aresome of the most important ones.
What you don’trecognize is that they are realizing that too, andaren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but thatthey are as confused as you.
You look at your job… and it is not even close towhat you thought you would be doing, or maybe you arelooking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger.
You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you havecertain boundaries in your life and are constantlyadding things to your list of what is acceptable andwhat isn’t.
One minute, you are insecure and then thenext, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of yourlife.
You feel alone and scared and confused.
Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling onto the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there isnothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone youloved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bedand wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enoughthat you want to get to know better. Or maybe you lovesomeone but love someone else too and cannot figureout why you are doing this because you know that youaren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hookups start to look cheap.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to lookpathetic. You go through the same emotions andquestions over and over, and talk with your friendsabout the same topics because you cannot seem tomake a decision.
You worry about loans, money, the future and making alife for yourself… and while winning the race wouldbe great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!What you may not realize is that everyone reading thisrelates to it.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times,trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thingout.
It is when youstop going along with the crowd and start realizingthat there are many things about yourself that youdidn’t know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you willbe in a year or two, but then get scared because youbarely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that,maybe, those friends that you thought you were soclose to aren’t exactly the greatest people you haveever met, and the people you have lost touch with aresome of the most important ones.
What you don’trecognize is that they are realizing that too, andaren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but thatthey are as confused as you.
You look at your job… and it is not even close towhat you thought you would be doing, or maybe you arelooking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger.
You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you havecertain boundaries in your life and are constantlyadding things to your list of what is acceptable andwhat isn’t.
One minute, you are insecure and then thenext, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of yourlife.
You feel alone and scared and confused.
Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling onto the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there isnothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone youloved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bedand wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enoughthat you want to get to know better. Or maybe you lovesomeone but love someone else too and cannot figureout why you are doing this because you know that youaren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hookups start to look cheap.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to lookpathetic. You go through the same emotions andquestions over and over, and talk with your friendsabout the same topics because you cannot seem tomake a decision.
You worry about loans, money, the future and making alife for yourself… and while winning the race wouldbe great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!What you may not realize is that everyone reading thisrelates to it.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times,trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thingout.
quarter life crisis....
It seems to me that I once again started to spiral out of control again… Decisions I made have left me with the feeling of hopelessness that things will never work out… I am not strong… Things that I hoped for things that I wished and believed so strongly that would come true…Have crumpled…
I am exhausted with people… Exhausted with the false positives …
Examples, oh I got them… People telling me what an amazing person I am… Cause I can only think of the negative… "Really you think I am nice?" Then why do my friends think I am a flake… "I am having a bad day, I just feel like chilling"… "Well come out with us we are gonna have so much fun" … Someone explain to me how drinking and going to a club and watching your friends get hit on by everyone while you get pushed aside is helping… Oh here is a good one… when you go out with someone and they can't stop texting someone else… Here is the evil truth… If you want to go out with me have the decency to make me feel like you want to be with me… put your phone down and make me feel like I am important to you…
This past year has put me through relationship hell…
And when I started out writing this blog I had all the intensions of keeping it positive… But people instead of taking ownership of their problems they tend to make them yours… I have a thousand pounds resting on my shoulders… And I am collapsing from with in…
Oh please feet don't fail me now…
So like I said I wanted to keep it positive…Because I like many others have lost hope in relationships,
And even more that true, everlasting, soul mate love...
Today, a little old man, who came into my work, may have made my cold heart warm again and quite possibly renewed my faith. I was helping him out, and he looked at me, and said, "Wanna see a picture of a pretty lady?" I said sure, and he opened his wallet and showed me a black and white picture of a beautiful woman in her fifties or sixties…
It was such a glamorous shot, and I had never realized that it was possible to still be so remarkably beautiful at that age… I asked him if the woman was his wife…
His response "Yes...she's in a nursing home now. I go to visit her every day. Three and a half years, and I've never missed a day..." As if that wasn't sweet enough, when I asked how long they'd been married, to see if maybe it was one of those later-in-life marriages that was still in the puppy love type stage.... Again he looked at me, and said, "58 years today", smiling slightly… I smiled at him and said that his wife was a very lucky woman, and in all seriousness, he looked at me and said, "No...I'm the lucky one she is my everything, my reason for living"
It touched me so much that it made me want to cry…
To see a man so in love with his wife, 58 years later was so wonderful...
I hope I have a love like that someday...I really really do...
I am exhausted with people… Exhausted with the false positives …
Examples, oh I got them… People telling me what an amazing person I am… Cause I can only think of the negative… "Really you think I am nice?" Then why do my friends think I am a flake… "I am having a bad day, I just feel like chilling"… "Well come out with us we are gonna have so much fun" … Someone explain to me how drinking and going to a club and watching your friends get hit on by everyone while you get pushed aside is helping… Oh here is a good one… when you go out with someone and they can't stop texting someone else… Here is the evil truth… If you want to go out with me have the decency to make me feel like you want to be with me… put your phone down and make me feel like I am important to you…
This past year has put me through relationship hell…
And when I started out writing this blog I had all the intensions of keeping it positive… But people instead of taking ownership of their problems they tend to make them yours… I have a thousand pounds resting on my shoulders… And I am collapsing from with in…
Oh please feet don't fail me now…
So like I said I wanted to keep it positive…Because I like many others have lost hope in relationships,
And even more that true, everlasting, soul mate love...
Today, a little old man, who came into my work, may have made my cold heart warm again and quite possibly renewed my faith. I was helping him out, and he looked at me, and said, "Wanna see a picture of a pretty lady?" I said sure, and he opened his wallet and showed me a black and white picture of a beautiful woman in her fifties or sixties…
It was such a glamorous shot, and I had never realized that it was possible to still be so remarkably beautiful at that age… I asked him if the woman was his wife…
His response "Yes...she's in a nursing home now. I go to visit her every day. Three and a half years, and I've never missed a day..." As if that wasn't sweet enough, when I asked how long they'd been married, to see if maybe it was one of those later-in-life marriages that was still in the puppy love type stage.... Again he looked at me, and said, "58 years today", smiling slightly… I smiled at him and said that his wife was a very lucky woman, and in all seriousness, he looked at me and said, "No...I'm the lucky one she is my everything, my reason for living"
It touched me so much that it made me want to cry…
To see a man so in love with his wife, 58 years later was so wonderful...
I hope I have a love like that someday...I really really do...
God-willing, I’m turning 26 in a couple days. I’m in an internal tizzy about this, as I probably will be for every upcoming birthday from now on...
26 is messing with me...
Its offically the beginning of my mid-twentys...
I have nothing to show for the last couple years of my life except bar recepits... Damm...
26 is messing with me...
Its offically the beginning of my mid-twentys...
I have nothing to show for the last couple years of my life except bar recepits... Damm...
Ilovelamp
I'd rather sit in silence than endure small talk...:
I love people watching and I'm fascinated by human nature and the criminal mind. When I see a guy fleeing from the police, on the local news, all I can think about is what his life must have been like for him to get to that point.
I have an unusual amount of empathy.
Referees and bar tenders don't like me. I understand the referee thing but I will never understand the bartender thing.
I love football baseball and basketball. Nothing better then a "game day" Sunday.
I want a big dog named Denali.
I love boy names for girls.
Old school nintendo video games are my absolute favorite.
At times I have the maturity of a 15 yr old girl.
I say what I feel, it isn't always appreciated, therefore, I don't always say what I feel.
I'm hard to read.
I'm drawn to confident people.
I admire happy people. Happiness isn't always one's natural disposition, it is often a choice.
I fear being thought of as boring.
I'm not every other girl you've dated.
I love movies.
I've been suspended from school for pulling down a guys pants.
I hate guys in flip flops. I hate when a guy complains that you stepped on his toes at a bar.
I'm a sucker for dimples and guys who wear glasses
Laughter is good. My sister can make me laugh she is amazing even if she sprayed windex in my eyes
I'm affectionate. I love kids but have no desire to give birth
I may adopt someday.
I could sit and watch people trip & fall all day long, nothing is funnier to me.
My friends are my family. My family means the world to me, I hope they know that.
I love pizza, sandwiches and mexican food
With enough booze and if the DJ plays Billie Jean or PYT I can do a mean Michael Jackson.
Friendship is the core of every relationship without it why bother.
I am a realist.
I'm going back to school.
I am not capable of settling.
I don't open up as much as I should.
I recently realized I'd rather love than be loved and I'm not sure what to make of that.
I don't believe in an all or nothing philosophy, organized religion isn't for me.
For the first time in a long time my family is as whole as it will ever be and that feels good.
If I can hear the ocean from my bedroom, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be
I love people watching and I'm fascinated by human nature and the criminal mind. When I see a guy fleeing from the police, on the local news, all I can think about is what his life must have been like for him to get to that point.
I have an unusual amount of empathy.
Referees and bar tenders don't like me. I understand the referee thing but I will never understand the bartender thing.
I love football baseball and basketball. Nothing better then a "game day" Sunday.
I want a big dog named Denali.
I love boy names for girls.
Old school nintendo video games are my absolute favorite.
At times I have the maturity of a 15 yr old girl.
I say what I feel, it isn't always appreciated, therefore, I don't always say what I feel.
I'm hard to read.
I'm drawn to confident people.
I admire happy people. Happiness isn't always one's natural disposition, it is often a choice.
I fear being thought of as boring.
I'm not every other girl you've dated.
I love movies.
I've been suspended from school for pulling down a guys pants.
I hate guys in flip flops. I hate when a guy complains that you stepped on his toes at a bar.
I'm a sucker for dimples and guys who wear glasses
Laughter is good. My sister can make me laugh she is amazing even if she sprayed windex in my eyes
I'm affectionate. I love kids but have no desire to give birth
I may adopt someday.
I could sit and watch people trip & fall all day long, nothing is funnier to me.
My friends are my family. My family means the world to me, I hope they know that.
I love pizza, sandwiches and mexican food
With enough booze and if the DJ plays Billie Jean or PYT I can do a mean Michael Jackson.
Friendship is the core of every relationship without it why bother.
I am a realist.
I'm going back to school.
I am not capable of settling.
I don't open up as much as I should.
I recently realized I'd rather love than be loved and I'm not sure what to make of that.
I don't believe in an all or nothing philosophy, organized religion isn't for me.
For the first time in a long time my family is as whole as it will ever be and that feels good.
If I can hear the ocean from my bedroom, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be
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